SatyaMom (original poster member #83919) posted at 1:54 PM on Wednesday, December 17th, 2025
I finally insisted on a polygraph and after our 3rd DDay ….he passed. So I now know the truth. Does it change anything- not really except I feel calmer. I fought hard, was very empathetic and forgiving looking for answers but this last DDay broke me. When I look at him he is a shell of the man I loved for 26 yrs. We are separated . You’d think he’d fight for us, maybe he thinks that’s what he’s doing but all I see is a weak broken man :( I realize how much I held the family together and now am letting it crumble. Polygraph- I resisted for a long time thinking it would just be too much shame for him, turns out it probably was ….but I have what I needed
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 4:53 PM on Wednesday, December 17th, 2025
Then there is your closure, or as good of closure as one can get.
Try to keep moving forward. This is so hard, but even tiny steps forward are still forward.
Glad you got the answer you needed. (((Hugs)))
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 7:55 PM on Thursday, December 18th, 2025
Your husband doesn't deserve credit for telling you the truth. He only fessed up to everything because he wasn't able to talk you out of the polygraph. If you had backed down and allowed him to persuade you out of taking one, he would've taken all his secrets with him to the grave with him.
I think the benefit of the polygraph, even though you're separated and on route to divorce, is that you will no longer feel compelled to try to find the missing puzzle pieces of your past. You can let it go now and focus on the future.
You’d think he’d fight for us, maybe he thinks that’s what he’s doing but all I see is a weak broken man :(
Perhaps he's accepting that he can't be the person you thought he was and would need him to be. Perhaps he thinks that the hill he would need to climb to win your trust would be too difficult to climb, if it's even possible at all. Perhaps he can't handle the fact that you now see him for who he is and not the perfect husband/"model wayward" that he pretended to be-- and he can't handle that.
His reasons don't really matter. What matters now is that you can unburden yourself and dedicate the time and energy you need to your own healing and wellbeing.
[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 7:56 PM, Thursday, December 18th]
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
