SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Told me had used only fans during covid (we were long distance) a few months ago- I wasn't happy but understood what distance can do...Then he told me a few months later he had ordered a few more- I told him it needs to stop. Things were fine until one night he came home distraught begging to see a dominatrix and that he was a submissive guy who needed to have this experience..I said I'd like to try....He kept wanting this weekly check ins when we would discuss our relationship- they always just ended with him try to manipulate me into seeing a dom. I told him I'm sick of this and the conversation needs to be parked until we can figure out our own self life- he has had a soft penis for 2 or 3 years (I put this down to work stress..I was aware he used porn but didn't know to what degree) - Anyway, a week later (After his therapist told him to) told me he had had a video call with this dom...Turns out there was a specific woman he was obsessed with who 'understood his stupid kinks '...After that, I moved into a sublet..I told him to not masturbate or watch porn for 90 days...I believe he is sticking to that because I have seen him complain about poor sleep and begged in a couple's therapy to wank (This caused the sexoloigist to diagnose him on the spot..She said you sound like an alcoholic asking for another glass of wine).gradually over the month things started to become more settled between us ...Then he dropped another bombshell that he had had three calls with this dom...beginning at Christmas in the rural village of childhood home (This is the most disturbing thing for me- he put my family at risk- their name and reputation..He said it was too cold for him to get hard but still...the intention was there). He had also ordered several only fans videos and spend 1000s of euros over the last 5 years on this stuff...The worst thing is he is still 'deciding' between me and visiting this Dom in person...Together 8 years..

He is seeing a therapist, has went to a few 12 steps but finds they don't work...He also has an intake with an addiction psychologist this week. I have asked him to be open with family members but hasn't told the full story and minimised it- he says he will or maybe I should?

[This message edited by Ihopeyouaresomewhere at 7:38 PM, Sunday, March 29th]

Run! Get out!

He put you & your family at risk.

Shows you the extent of his addictions.

Unless HE really wants to change, there is nothing you can do to stop his behavior. And it appears as though he has multiple addictions.

You deserve better.