SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I want to address her possible alcoholism.

To be clear: It never justifies or explains or in any way mediates infidelity, but IMHO it can have a major impact on possible recovery. In fact – I think an active alcoholic might even have an affair to divert the attention from the real issue – the alcoholism.
Not saying your wife cheated because she was drunk. But the odds of her cheating again are multiple if she doesn’t deal with her alcoholism.
Note I didn’t say sobriety – deal with her ALCOHOLISM. Ask any successfully recovered alcoholic and they will gladly tell you being sober isn’t the issue. It’s remaining sober that is the issue, and that can only be dealt with if her alcoholism is dealt with. Otherwise it’s only a gap between drinks.

I have some experience in dealing with alcoholics. Both personal with friends and family, and professional with colleagues, my "clients" as a cop and in work I did as a volunteer with recovering addicts.
I think an alcoholic will (eventually) prioritize alcohol over anything else. This is why we have parents putting the milk and eggs back on the shelf rather than the bottle of vodka, why we have inebriated parents picking up kids from daycare and driving home.

It’s a very complex illness. The old theory about faulty characters, low morals or low will-power have long been displaced. The stereotypical drunk sitting dishevleed in the corner, being obnoxious with sick on his sleeve been replaced. Of the hundreds of definitions I have heard about alcoholism possibly the best is when you drink even though you KNOW drinking will cause you problems.
My wife’s best friend is a recovering alcoholic. We were quite surprised when she went to detox. She shared that she might only drink 5-10 times a year, and that at social events. Not like she was downing sherry in the mornings or sneaking a Chablis in the evenings. But... when she started drinking she got this sensation that she NEEDED to get the next drink, and the next, and the next... despite knowing that this would most likely end badly. Which it did. More often that not, she would wake up beside some man who was not her husband... (ironically they divorced a few years after her sobriety due to his ongoing infidelity...)

I don’t think you wife will successfully deal with her alcoholism alone.
She needs support.
That support could be IC. But it could also be a group like AA. Somehow standing in a room full of strangers and admitting you are an alcoholic sort-of makes it real. A sponsor, following the 12-step program and then being accountable to the group (who start asking around when you miss a series of meetings...) keeps her on-track. Knowing that if she has the urge and need to drink she can either drive to the bar OR to a meeting, knowing she can call someone that understands 24/7... Eventually becoming a sponsor and one of those that is called for help... All this IMHO makes AA the ideal resource for recovery.

Granted – We probably have a gazillion posters here who either tried or know someone that relapsed despite AA. But that’s addiction for you. Most people take 2-3 attempts before sobriety.

What I’m getting at as far as YOU are concerned is this: Her alcoholism is a large part of what she is. An active alcoholic is seldom happy with being that – no matter what they pretend. Her actions during those trips are IMHO connected to who she was then – and whatever future you two might have can’t be built on that. If we visualize the image of everyone having an angel on their right shoulder and a devil on the left, her devil has controlled too much – through the alcoholism. While she tries to white-knuckle it alone in sobriety – that devil is happy as hell (pun intended) knowing it’s only a matter of time before he get’s to shine.

I also encourage YOU to seek help in Al Anon. Chances are that after this long period you are displaying a lot of the symptoms of those impacted by alcoholic family members.