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My d-day will be 20 years ago tomorrow and I dread the anniversary, even now. It’s f-n tough friends, there’s no easy way through this. It never really goes away but after time the pain recedes and life moves forward. And if you’re lucky, as I am, life can be good again. Our kids were young on d-day. I chose to stay with ww and we’ve shared many wonderful events including grandkids since … ww is a loving grandmother and I’ve witnessed it, admire it, love it, and her.
Be good to yourself first, make sober choices, be honest and be kind.
Good luck!

Thanks for sharing! I'll take all the hope I can get.

Would you consider your reconciliation successful?

Do you have any tips to share?

Theevent , sorry that you found yourself here but this is a great place for you now as caring people will listen and respond with like issues.
Reconciled; yes.
Tips; you need complete honesty from ww in order to make decisions (stay or go). I did not have full disclosure and as a result took many years of ruminating thru all the possible scenarios causing an exhausting and torturous path forward. She likely wont want to admit details and they will be difficult to hear but you need to know them. You gotta know what you’re dealing with and ww needs to understand that. In order to get to recovery, you need information.

I'm only 16 months post d-day, so about at the halfway point of R. I still don't believe I have all of the details. I still do not believe her explanation (it changed three times) of a pic I saw on her cell phone of her in a green dress. She swears she took it to send to me, but didn't, and swears she didn't send it to him. Her reaction to me seeing that pic caused me to go digging. Green is my favorite color but her wearing a green dress would always be a reminder so no more green dresses. It may sound petty but that's another thing the affair robbed me of.

And to boot, the place she works at: green shirts :/

Right now I cannot see a time when the d-day anniversary will not be a problem. I wonder if she even knows the date...

WB1340; within the1st year post d-day I was horsing around with one of my dogs in our pool, he was a swimmer. I was alone, had been drinking (still attempting to self medicate), dove into the pool and snapped my neck. It was night and we had a light under the diving board which would rotate colors. I was near the deep end and experiencing cord shock, couldn’t move. I thought for certain I was going to drown … the color of the light was green. For some reason that has stuck with me.

Sports fan - that’s a terrible tragedy about your neck. Hope it’s healed and you are not in constant pain.

As far as Dday is concerned, it no longer affects me. It’s just another day lol. Dud I get the whole truth - even about the prior affair from 15 years prior? No.

Did I get enough and figure out enough to br able to move on? Yes.

I decided at tear 3 of Reconciliation that I was going to live my life for me. Not let the affairs negatively impact me or detail my happiness. And it has worked for me.

My attitude is — if you’re not on my team - please leave. If someone or something is more important, it’s time to move on. Life is short. I don’t want to be unhappy for the years I have left.

My d-day will be 20 years ago tomorrow

Mine will be 31 years this month. I had a 3-year old son to raise and stuck it out for his sake. If I could do it all over again I would have left on the same day I found out. All the best to you and all those stuck in limbo, divorced, or living in a revitalized marriage.

This DDay will mark 14 years for me. DDay also happens to be the same day as my mother’s birthday so no way that I can forget that one.

My WW likely has no clue regarding the specific date and it pisses me off that she is able to put her affair so thoroughly behind her and have no lingering effects like I do.

To this day she still minimizes things. When it comes up (which is very rarely) she’ll say something like, that was over 15 years ago…I then remind her that it was 13 years and 10 months ago. We are not on the same page, lol.

I am confident that I have about 90% of the truth and I have come to grips with the fact that I won’t likely ever get the rest. It took a long time to get to that point.

Hi, sportsfan, I remember you, my D-Day was in April of 2005, so 20 years as well.

My story is similar bc WS TT me for years, just little things that he omitted or conveniently forgot, tortuous to say the least causing PTSD that took years to recover from.

I agree, the BEST way forward is with complete honesty.

Stayed bc I had a tween and two teens at the time, and coming from a divorced parents, I did not want to shake up their lives.

Life isn't what I expected, but we have three adult sons now and two grandchildren that we both adore. R was a very long process with lots of steps backwards bc of his lies.

Still think about his A occasionally, it never leaves, it's just there, maybe twice a year I have a dream about WS and his affair partner so I know the subconscious is powerful.

Anyone new on this journey, seek support from trusted family and friends, IC if possible, take time to make a decision, understand that probably most, if not all waywards, will minimize their actions and lie. Stay vigilant and focus on yourself.