Feels like world has ended

Hi all,
Thanks in advance for all the support. Not sure how to start but I’ve been married for 16 years, with 2 boys 11 &14. Things in our marriage have been tough - husbands parents have both died in last 5 years, he keeps losing his job and has been very angry due to horrible upbringing.
I discovered £30k of debt about 2 years ago which we ‘fixed’ with savings. Then a year later he’d taken another £10k loan which he is paying off. I’ve done credit checks etc so nothing else (yet 😩).
His mum died recently and I knew something was off so went snooping. He’s been viewing porn & the piece that makes me feel sick is he’s been emailing massage parlours/escorts. He confessed he’d been using massage parlours since dad’s death as we weren’t hugely sexually active and felt so miserable. I am in so much pain as can’t imagine life without my boys all the time & because of their ages they are gaining independence and only interested in football (which their dad plays/watches with them all the time). He is undoubtedly an awful husband but a good dad but feel like I’ve lost on every level. My kids, my home, my pension etc (I earn more than him and much better with money so have higher pension etc). It feels soooooo unjust that I can’t get to the point of asking him to leave as my self esteem has been trampled. Sorry for the long post. Looking for what helped you and where did you get your courage from. I’m so wounded I don’t see how to move forward. I’m SOOOO devastated for the kids - they are at difficult ages with one starting gcse and one starting secondary.
How do I be the mum they need and try and be happy when I’m drowning in the pain that the man I married has caused me & also inadvertently them also. Thankyou so much for your time and sorry that you are here on this site. Would be great to also hear some success stories of how you grew out of this horrendous experience. It’s such a lonely place to be so this forum is a godsend to make it a little less lonely Thankyou 🙏

6 comments posted: Tuesday, August 12th, 2025