SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Had a very strange coincidence come my way this last week. As backstory, my ex has been dating someone for a while now, I’d guess something like 9 months. My kids are well acquainted with this boyfriend. They have a vacation booked for this winter with two of my kids. She has even started talking in ways that she and him are somehow making joint decisions regarding my kids. It’s weird, I’m talking with my kids about it, but that isn’t my point. That is just to set the stage that she is in what seems to be a significant relationship with this guy. You can see where this is going…

So my girlfriend was at a coffee shop in the part of town near my ex’s workplace. And it just so happens that in walks my ex, holding hands with a dude who is definitely not the new boyfriend. When she spotted my girlfriend (they have been around each other for kids events), she immediately dropped the guys hand, said something to him and left.

Is it possible to be both shocked and completely not surprised at the same time?

99% of me doesn’t care, the exception being that my kids are going to pay a price if this is the life she has chosen as her permanent path. But I have to admit I’m just a little stunned, which I guess means I still don’t think poorly enough of her.

I remember the day here where I really internalized the idea that it wasn’t about me, that if she had married someone else he would have been the poor sap instead. I have to admit it’s just a little different to see it play out. And so quickly. How bizarre, how bizarre.

I hope she’s nervous as hell right now. It’s always a surprise when you realize you still have some respect left to lose.

Can we play What Did She Tell Him?

"Oh shoot, I think I left the stove on."

"If anyone asks, tell them you’re my cousin."

"Ugh, I just swallowed a bug."

It looks like you are going to have to tell your XWW's new boyfriend the news about her cheating.

Does he--the boyfriend that is--know why your marriage ended? If he does know and he decided to date your XWW anyway, then he is a *well nevermind*. I mean, what the hell is he thinking? The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. He still deserves to know about his supposed girlfriend cheating though.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 12:13 AM, Tuesday, September 1st]

Is it possible to be both shocked and completely not surprised at the same time?

It's possible to be shocked that you're not surprised. I'd imagine it's also a little bit of vindication, too.

Perhaps the shock is because it happened so quickly, and the lack of surprise because you know she never did the work to become a better partner.

I keep saying that nothing WX does will surprise me, but he's creative, and I've certainly raised my eyebrows at some of his choices.

The kids are always the collateral damage from their actions, going all the way back to their infidelity. It's awful that she's not thinking of them or putting their well-being first, but hey, if she was that kind of person, she wouldn't have cheated on you in the first place.

@InkHulk

I can only imagine the mix of emotions this brought up. If I were in your shoes, the overriding feeling would be pure vindication. You couldn't ask for clearer proof that:

A) This was entirely a her issue.

B) You made the absolute right call getting out when you did.

It does make you wonder, though: was she always this person and just had you convinced otherwise, or did something snap along the way that she has no desire to fix herself?

Being betrayed feels like being conned. Or at least it did to me. I fully relate the that 'chump' perspective. You were only with someone under the expectation that they wouldn't do this sort of backstabbing shit. In the fall out; It's hard to tell if our pickers were off, if we were played or manipulate, or if they changed into something else along the way. I feel that clarification would make for good closure but alas, I don't imagine it's ever attainable.

Either way, this is the ultimate definition of "Not your circus, not your monkeys"—and I bet you've never been happier to sit this one out.